Thank you for the translation! A lot of effort and thought must have gone into this.
Some of your word choices and descriptions are truly felicitous, like the robes that drank the blood of their wearers (a classical allusion?), which clung soppingly (very evocative) to them. I haven't read the original, but Desperation brimmed in her amber eyes sounds exactly right for someone who was so panicky and worried that she would be about to cry. And of course, Carol's lambent smile (which I think I commented on in your earlier translated snippet).
just a question - don't know the original work, but might inexorable certainty be an alternative to surety which sounds a tad mercantile? also, severe for sever in the third last line is probably a typo
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branchandroot
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Date: 2007-07-04 01:56 pm (UTC)Some of your word choices and descriptions are truly felicitous, like the robes that drank the blood of their wearers (a classical allusion?), which clung soppingly (very evocative) to them.
I haven't read the original, but Desperation brimmed in her amber eyes sounds exactly right for someone who was so panicky and worried that she would be about to cry.
And of course, Carol's lambent smile (which I think I commented on in your earlier translated snippet).
just a question - don't know the original work, but might inexorable certainty be an alternative to surety which sounds a tad mercantile? also, severe for sever in the third last line is probably a typo